It is never possible to "move on" with this kind of  loss- all that can possibly be done- is to "adjust" to a life that you would have never wanted to be...and hope ...your heart can feel again oneday. You learn somehow to survive the greatest, most painful loss known to a mother. You don't even know how it is possible to- until you try. This kind of pain-you know- will last the rest of your life, you can never know life as it used to be. You either accept the unacceptable, forgive the unforgiveable...or you don't...If I chose not to- I could not have survived any of this.

 ~In loving memory of Paul ~ whose life story is remembered throughout this memorial website.  Paul will be remembered for all he shared in his brief 29 years with us. Paul was killed on July 21, 2006 in Charlotte NC as a pedestrian by a drunken driver. A phone call at 4 am that fateful morning, followed by the police officers arriving at my home to tell me the news of Paul's death, (a voice I will know forever) The world stopped turning at 0041 and a promising future of a beloved man was ended in a split second. I believe that Paul's spirit is still working here. His legacy will carry on. ....my memories cherished. I took this photo of Paul 6 months before he died- he was so happy that day!

 Paul wrote a letter to his employer when he wanted to move back to Rochester..... an excerpt:    paul's own words- tell you just who he was and what he cherished in his life.

Dear L~  "We all have one life to spend. Most people think a lot about how they spend their money but rarely do we really focus on how we are spending our life everyday.  The fact that I haven’t focused on how I’m spending my life says that I am not living on purpose or my purpose is living just to get by.  That’s no longer how I want to be. 

A life is so much more than money or salary; it’s you and me – our hearts, our minds, our souls, and our gifts and talents.  Purpose and fulfillment is love and giving to those around you that you love.

 I’ve decided I want to spend the rest of my life giving to my family, helping them grow, learning from them, sharing all my gifts and talents with them, and being a part of a loving family.  I’ve recently become an uncle and I want to be a part of their lives.  My father, mother, sister, and close relatives all live in Rochester, NY.  My brother was recently deployed overseas with the 165^th Airborne Military Intelligence Battalion.  He will be dropped behind enemy lines to conduct advanced surveillance and recon.  This has also contributed to my desires to be home with my family.  All of these recent events have opened up my eyes to where I’m needed most and where I want to spend my life.  It has recently become a driving passion of mine to settle down back ‘home’ and be a bigger part of my family.  I don’t want to postpone the fact that I feel I could be spending my life better.  I don’t say this in a negative way, but as an opportunity for change and being more conscious of how I’m spending my life."     Respectfully, Paul McManus Jr.

   "My Favorite scripture" was emailed to me on  September 14, 2005- Paul's message- "If there is ever a day that feels too hard- just remember this"~ 

The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the Peace of God, wich transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ.

Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is praiseworthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned  or received or heard from Me - put into practice.  And the God of peace will always  be with you. If it feels right in your heart it probably is. If it doesn't scare you to try- then it probably isn't worth it.